Drink recovery gummies · 8 actives · 15 packs
Put back what the night took.
MORON HERO is a recovery gummy you take before or while you're drinking, not after. Eight actives — DHM, milk thistle, four B vitamins, magnesium and zinc — and we print every dose, including the 7g of sugar and the one vitamin we deliberately kept small. Because the problem was never your willpower. It's acetaldehyde, and most brands would rather you didn't check the label.
One pack before you start, then one after every five drinks — up to four packs in 24 hours
What's actually in it
No fluff
DHM (Dihydromyricetin)
300mg — HPLC assay on every batch, not an estimate
+ 7 more actives
milk thistle, B1, B6, B12, folate, magnesium, zinc — every dose printed
Serving size
1 pack (2 gummies), before or while drinking — then one every 5 drinks
"Proprietary blend"
none. we don't do those.
The actual problem
You've done this before.
01
The 9am you already regret
You said one drink. It was not one drink. Standup is in six hours and you'll be there — camera off, saying "sounds good" to things.
02
Sunday, cancelled
Gym skipped, washing untouched, it's 4pm and your only real achievement today has been staying horizontal. Monday starts a day behind.
03
"I'm never drinking again"
Sworn at 3am. Forgotten by Thursday. A sentence with a genuinely perfect record of not being true — so we built for the Thursday instead.
None of this is a willpower problem. It's a dose problem.
01
Say what's in it
Real doses, real forms, zero hidden blends. The label is the whole story.
02
Say what it does
Plain English for every ingredient. No vibes, no "supports wellness."
03
Prove it
Independent testing on every batch, published — including the unglamorous numbers.
What's in it
Eight actives. Every one printed.
Three more than most recovery gummies carry, and we print the milligrams on all of them — including the two we deliberately kept small.
DHM (dihydromyricetin)
300mg
Supports alcohol metabolism and next-day recovery. HPLC assay on every batch.
Milk thistle
100mg
Carried in coconut MCT, because silymarin barely dissolves in water.
Magnesium
20mg
Citrate — replaces some of what a diuretic night burns through.
Zinc
6mg
Citrate. Replaces what alcohol strips out.
B-complex
All four
B1 50mg, folate 400mcg, B12 500mcg — and B6 at 2mg, deliberately low.
Added sugar
7g
It's a gummy. 35 calories a pack, and we'd rather print it than let you find out later.
In stock · 15 packs
MORON HERO
Eight actives across the jobs that matter — clearing the acetaldehyde, backing your liver, and replacing what a night out drains. One pack before you start drinking, another after every five. Because "I'm never drinking again" has never once worked.
$39
or $34 on subscription · $2.27 a pack
See the full label
Independent lab, every batch
COA published before shipping
30-day money-back
Made in a cGMP facility
The comparison
Same shelf. One honest label.
Everyone lines up on the same shelf. The difference is whether they'll tell you the doses. We print every one.
MORON
Typical gummy
Hangover capsules
DHM per serving
300 mg — assay every batch
300 mg — unverified
Varies, often hidden
Every milligram on the label
Yes
Rarely
Rarely
Proprietary blends
Never
Common
Common
Third-party COA, per batch
Published
Rare
Rare
Format
Gummy
Gummy
Capsule
Questions
Questions? Answered.
We named it
MORON
because you shouldn't have to be a genius to understand what you're putting in your body.
The list
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MORON
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health
Health, made stupidly simple. Full doses, plain words, lab results attached.
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
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