What's in it
Every ingredient. And why it's in there.
Every product, every ingredient, in full. Each one gets a dose, a form, and a plain-English reason for being in there. If we can't explain what an ingredient is doing, it doesn't go in the pack.
MORON HERO
Eight actives · 1 pack = 2 gummies · before or while drinking
Job 01 — clearing the acetaldehyde
DHM
300mg
From the Japanese raisin tree, used for exactly this purpose for centuries before the supplement industry existed. 300mg — the dose the studied products use, with an HPLC assay on every batch and the certificate published before it ships. Honest caveat: most of the evidence is animal work, and the human research is thin.
Milk Thistle
100mg
Your liver does the actual work of clearing what you drank. Silymarin, the part that matters, hardly dissolves in water — so ours is carried in coconut MCT and lecithin. That's the difference between a number on a label and something that gets absorbed.
Job 02 — what the night drains
Zinc
6mg
Alcohol strips zinc out. This puts 6mg back as citrate — the mineral your immune system and your recovery both run on.
Magnesium
20mg
A diuretic night burns through magnesium. 20mg as citrate — well absorbed, and it doesn't need half the gummy to deliver, which is why it's citrate and not glycinate.
Job 03 — what alcohol burns through
Added sugar
7g
It's a gummy, so it's made of sugar — 7g a pack, 35 calories. Every product in this category has it. We're telling you before you buy rather than after.
B1 · B6 · B12 · Folate
All four
Alcohol burns through your B vitamins. B1 at 50mg — thiamine, the one drinking genuinely depletes. Folate at 400mcg, methylated. B12 at 500mcg. And B6 at 2mg, deliberately low: chronic high-dose B6 damages nerves, and Europe caps it at 12mg a day.
MORON FOCUS
Four actives · 1 pack = 2 gummies · whenever you need to focus
Caffeine
50mg
From guarana seed, not synthesised. 50mg is about half a coffee — and it's the exact amount used in the caffeine-and-theanine trial the whole category cites. Guarana releases it slightly more slowly than isolated caffeine, which suits what the theanine is doing.
L-Theanine
100mg
Twice the caffeine dose. 50mg of caffeine with 100mg of theanine isn't our reading of the research — it's the pairing that was put in front of people and measured. Most focus products print the ratio and then pick their own numbers.
L-Tyrosine
100mg
The honest one. Tyrosine research uses two grams and up, and it mainly does something when you're properly depleted — cold, sleepless, badly stressed. 100mg is what fits in a gummy, and it's less than one egg. It's here because it's part of what this formula is, and we'd rather say where it sits than let you assume it's carrying the product. It isn't.
Vitamin B12
250mcg
Methylcobalamin, the form that doesn't need converting first. Cheap to include properly, so there's no excuse for the cyanocobalamin most brands reach for.
The gummy itself
0g sugar
Set with pectin, sweetened with isomalt, allulose and a little stevia. About 10 calories a serving, no added sugar, no artificial flavours. FOCUS gets this treatment and HERO doesn't — HERO is a sugar gummy and we say so on its own page.
MORON CREATINE
One active · 1 pack = 5 gummies · any time of day
Creatine monohydrate
5,000mg
Your muscles rebuild ATP — the fuel for short, hard efforts — using creatine, and they run out of it in seconds. Five grams a day is the dose every study uses, and monohydrate is the form they use it in. There is no second ingredient because there is nothing a second ingredient would add.
What's deliberately not in any of them
Melatonin
0
It causes exactly the groggy, half-there morning we're selling against — and it doesn't give back the REM sleep alcohol took. Putting it in would make this product argue with itself.
Artificial flavours and colours
0
Not in any of the three. Colour comes from fruit and vegetable concentrates, never synthetic dyes, and flavour from the real thing. It costs a little more and it is genuinely the easiest corner in this category to cut — which is why most gummies you'll compare us against list "natural and artificial flavors" and hope you skim past it.
Proprietary blend
0
A "proprietary blend" lets a brand list impressive ingredients without telling you how much of each is in there. Legally clever, practically useless to you. If a dose is hidden, assume it's hidden because it's small.
Electrolytes
0
You'd need around 500mg of sodium before electrolytes do anything — about 1.3g of salt, which is more than fits in a gummy. Anyone selling you 150mg is selling you the word, not the mineral. Drink a glass of water instead. It's free and it's already in your kitchen.
Useful even if you never buy from us
How to read any supplement label.
Three checks. They take about fifteen seconds and they will rule out most of the shelf.
Check 01
Is there a number?
Every active ingredient should have a milligram figure next to it. No number, no purchase.
Check 02
Is the number per serving?
Check how many capsules or gummies make a serving. A big number over four capsules is a smaller number.
Check 03
Can you see a test?
A batch number and a third-party COA you can actually open. "Lab tested" printed on a box is not a test.
MORON
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health
Health, made stupidly simple. Full doses, plain words, lab results attached.
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
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