What's in it
Fourteen ingredients. Fourteen sentences.
Both products, every ingredient, in full. Each one gets a dose, a form, and one plain sentence explaining why it's in there. If we can't explain it in one sentence, it shouldn't be in the sachet.
MORON AFTER
Nine actives · 1 sachet = 3 gummies · take before bed
Job 01 — the hangover itself
DHM
1,000mg
From the Japanese raisin tree, used for exactly this purpose for several centuries longer than the supplement industry has existed. Everyone else uses 300mg. The published research uses closer to 1,000.
L-Cysteine
200mg
Alcohol turns into acetaldehyde, and acetaldehyde is the thing that actually makes you feel poisoned. This helps clear it faster.
Prickly Pear
200mg
The one ingredient in here with human trial data pointed specifically at hangover severity — mostly nausea and dry mouth.
Milk Thistle
300mg
Your liver is the organ doing the actual work, so it gets something. Standardised to 80% silymarin — "milk thistle" with no standardisation number tells you nothing.
Job 02 — your gut
Zinc L-Carnosine
75mg
Alcohol strips zinc and roughs up the gut lining. This is the form that does both jobs at once, which is why it's here instead of plain zinc.
S. boulardii
5B CFU
A big night makes your gut wall leakier, and that's upstream of the inflamed, hollowed-out feeling the next day. This is a yeast probiotic, so it survives a sachet in your pocket.
Ginger
100mg
Nausea. That's the whole reason. Not exotic, not new, genuinely works.
Job 03 — the sleep you're about to lose
L-Theanine
200mg
Drinking wrecks the back half of your night — that's most of why you wake up feeling hollow rather than rested. Theanine settles you down without sedating you.
B1 · B6 · B12 · Folate
Full doses
Alcohol burns through B vitamins and you experience that as fog. 50mg B1, 10mg B6, 500mcg B12, 400mcg folate — replaced properly, not sprinkled for the label.
MORON FOCUS
Five actives · 1 sachet = 2 gummies · not after 4pm
Caffeine
100mg
From green tea, not synthesised. 100mg is one strong coffee — enough to work, not enough to make you feel like you've made a mistake.
L-Theanine
200mg
Twice the caffeine dose, because that 2:1 ratio is the combination that's actually been studied for calm attention. Most focus products print the word and skip the dose.
Alpha-GPC
300mg
A choline source your brain can actually use. 300mg is inside the range the human studies use, which is not something every nootropic on the shelf can say.
Rhodiola rosea
200mg
Standardised to 3% rosavins. It's for fatigue under stress, which is the polite way of describing a Tuesday after a Monday you handled badly.
Vitamin B12
500mcg
Methylcobalamin, the form that doesn't need converting first. Cheap to include properly, so there's no excuse for the version that isn't.
What's deliberately not in either of them
Melatonin
0
It causes exactly the groggy, half-there morning we're selling against — and it doesn't give back the REM sleep alcohol took. Putting it in would make this product argue with itself.
L-Tyrosine
0
It's in most focus products, including the ones we like. The human studies use around 7 grams. Nobody is fitting 7 grams into a gummy, so any amount we could include would be there for the label rather than for you.
Electrolytes
0
Drink water. It's free, it's already in your flat, and it does the job. We're not charging you for salt.
Proprietary blend
0
A "proprietary blend" lets a brand list impressive ingredients without telling you how much of each is in there. Legally clever, practically useless to you. If a dose is hidden, assume it's hidden because it's small.
Useful even if you never buy from us
How to read any supplement label.
Three checks. They take about fifteen seconds and they will rule out most of the shelf.
Check 01
Is there a number?
Every active ingredient should have a milligram figure next to it. No number, no purchase.
Check 02
Is the number per serving?
Check how many capsules or gummies make a serving. A big number over four capsules is a smaller number.
Check 03
Can you see a test?
A batch number and a third-party COA you can actually open. "Lab tested" printed on a box is not a test.
MORON
.
health
Health, made stupidly simple. Full doses, plain words, lab results attached.
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Not a hangover cure — just the stuff a night out drains, put back.
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